-I do hold grudges. Not for long. Maybe a few months. And hearing that Mrs. Karma knocked on their door makes me feel pretty good. But then I feel horrible afterwards. I'm supposed to be the better person and lately I havent been.
-When it comes to my family, I feel that my business is my business. I love my family to death. But when it comes to financial, or personal things between my husband and I. I like having constructive criticism. Not bluntly telling me that I can or cannot have something. Or that I'm doing something completely wrong and that making a certain decision is the wrong path to go. Family is supposed to be there to support you through everything... Not supposed to make you feel worthless or that you dont deserve things in life. I'm not mad, and I dont want to shut anyone out. I've been on my own before, and its hard for me to take any kind of criticism to heart because I dont exactly understand. I had to trust my own instincts so when someone else says something... it makes me feel uncomfortable then I start to doubt myself. Which isnt right either.
-You only have one life to live. ONE. If I want to buy a shirt or some makeup then it shouldnt matter to anyone. I make sure that our bills are paid. I make sure that my son is clothed, my husband (and son) are fed. Everything in that aspect will be taken care of. So why should I not be allowed to take care of myself? I think that it is wrong for someone to neglect themselves. Everyone deserves to treat themselves to something. Whether its starbucks, or a small shopping spree ( like 50 bucks) or maybe getting your hair done. You deserve to feel beautiful.
-With that said. I'm going to focus on feeling more beautiful. Judge me, criticize me, and say that I am wasting money all you want. If you can think of "other things to spend money on" then fine, thats not how you spend your money then thats great for you! if you save it to buy a new laptop or something for your car, then thats awesome! I'm not there to be judging you on how you spend your money.. I buy things for myself for a few reasons. . I've had to see a psychiatrist, I had to in High School. I have depression. Enough to be medicated but I chose not to do any kind of Pills. When they say on the commercials "depression hurts". It really does. You feel empty and lonely inside. Thats why I have so many hobbies. I want to find what I'm good at. What makes ME happy. My husband and I have come to that understanding and he is just wanting me to focus on one thing. So I've decided to focus on Photography. (makeup does not count as a hobby haha thats a life style)
-I like making myself feel beautiful on the outside, because when I do that I feel like my self esteem is boosted. When that happens my confidence level goes up, and there I am. Happy, Radiant, Trying to save the world kind of enthusiasm. So I put on makeup, or buy makeup. (I have a growing collection). I do my hair. Get my hair dyed, get my eyebrows waxed. I go and shop sales racks because I'm so tired of wearing T-shirts and jeans all the time. I want to feel pretty. Because when I dont, I feel like when I walk into a room, Nobody even notices that I'm there.
-This goes for any family events. When I am not speaking, or when I'm just kind of spaced out. Its because I dont have the confidence I should, I dont feel confident about anything I say. I havent done anything so awesome that people can say "way to go Amber!".. I havent accomplished anything in my life. So when there is a birthday, or a holiday party. I dont usually bring up anything. I just get quiet and sit down somewhere. I dont do this to get attention, because if thats how people feel then I'm sorry. Its not to be an attention grabber, I dont want to be the center of attention. I just want to feel included.
Over the rest of this year, I'm going to be posting alot of things that I've found that are a good deal, or something that I get that made me feel amazing about myself. I'm going to post pictures, and I'm going to say how much I spent on it if its a commercial product that went on sale or something. That doesnt apply when it comes to my thrift store shopping or a yard sale find, Well I take that back. because I always find good deals so I do become very proud that I invested in something great.. I'm going to blog on Youtube after I get my camera set up, and I'm going to be doing reviews and answer day to day questions about everything. This is a way for me to be happy, so I want all of my family, friends and especially my husband to be supportive in this. I'm not going to talk about anything too personal, so no names will not be mentioned. Just like they were kept out of this note. I'm not going to be an idiot and blog about how I got into a fight with so and so or post what a horrible person this guy is. (by the way this is a general note, this has nothing to do with recent events or situations)
I want to be an inspiration for people, I want to be a daily encouragement. Because I know how I feel when I dont have that. So if you like this idea, and you want to know what I have to say, or your interested. Please let me know! I thank you all for being so loving and supportive of me and everything. You are all amazing and I know that through this journey its going to be an amazing memorable one. I'm going to be making new friends, and even coming closer to my family members that I've lost connection with or had a misunderstanding with. This is something that If you do have a problem or you do want to get closer to me, Now is the time to tell me. Now is the time to say hey, I know we had problems or we havent talked much. but I want to get to know you, and I want to be an important role in your life. And yes this is my letter to anyone :) I want to be a role in everyones lives.
Anyway I know this is super long, But please, email me on facebook or just comment on here. I look forward to doing videos and more blogs in the future!
God bless everyone! And keep smiling!
Im reading..=-) the one thing that I see you are missing or leaving out is Jesus. you will never fill or be fulfilled until you have that relationship. Trust me, you are writing all the things that I wrote and felt many years ago. =-) keep searching, eventually you will find exactly who it is your looking for..
ReplyDeleteSandy
I just wanted to make sure to respond to this
ReplyDelete"I havent done anything so awesome that people can say "way to go Amber!".. I havent accomplished anything in my life."
You have accomplished things in life, and the one thing I know of for sure is that you have created a family with your husband and you have had a child! That is awesome :-) so WAY TO GO AMBER :-)
While I don't know you super well I just wanted to remind you of the one thing that I do know about you that is awesome :-) And I'm sure as time goes on I'll find out other things you have accomplished that deserve a "WAY TO GO" Just remember, do not ever short change yourself. Even if I clean up the kitchen and it sparkles I give myself a "You're the shit" talk cause it's the little things in life that matter :-)
Keep your head up girlie!!
Sandy you are absolutely right! I am in the process of curving my cursing, and finding a church. I know that he will lead me into the right direction! I just have such a gut feeling about photography. I cant stop thinking about it!
ReplyDeleteBella :) I know! I am very happy to have my family, I just feel like I dont have something special that I'm great at. Yes being a mom is such a great thing but it doesnt count haha. not in this case anyway! I was thinking of photography... I mean right now I am a hobbyist by doing a bunch of things, but I wanted to be able to do something extraordinary. You know what i mean? I really wish i could have met you while we were in cali! who knows, maybe you can fly out to see us! :)